Looking for Joy

How many of you went to see the new Barbie movie? How many of you decided to wear pink when you went? And how many were lucky enough to find a Barbie box in the lobby for a photo opportunity?

Oh yes, you know it. I had a green and pink dress, bright pink shoes, even pink earrings. I do love to dress up. Liz and Emma each wore a little bit of pink too. But only one of us got into the Barbie box at the movie theater. I’m pretty sure I was embarrassing them, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me.  

Waiting in line for my Barbie photo, I looked around and saw mothers and daughters, sisters, friends, even couples, fathers, sons. All of them to a one wearing pink. All smiling, some even greeting each other with a “Hi, Barbie!” There’s a reason why this has been the cultural event of the summer, and it’s not Barbenheimer…

Underneath the pink and the fluff was something more. It was people looking to be part of something. To belong. To have fun—not alone at home, but together. As one woman was quoted in the Guardian, “I just want to feel unadulterated joy!”

Joy. Simcha. In the entire Bible the word, or derivation of the word, Simcha, is only said twelve times, and seven of them are in this week’s portion, Re’eh. Let me read you a few, see if you can find the connection they share…

Deuteronomy 16:11: You shall rejoice before your God יהוה with your son and daughter, your male and female slave, the [family of the] Levite in your communities, and the stranger, the fatherless, and the widow in your midst, at the place where your God יהוה will choose to establish the divine name.

In Deuteronomy 12:7 we read:

וַאֲכַלְתֶּם־שָׁ֗ם לִפְנֵי֙ יְהֹוָ֣ה אֱלֹֽהֵיכֶ֔ם וּשְׂמַחְתֶּ֗ם בְּכֹל֙ מִשְׁלַ֣ח יֶדְכֶ֔ם אַתֶּ֖ם וּבָתֵּיכֶ֑ם אֲשֶׁ֥ר בֵּֽרַכְךָ֖ יְהֹוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶֽיךָ׃

Together with your households, you shall feast there before your God יהוה, joyful in all the undertakings in which your God יהוה has blessed you.

I could go on—there are five more passages encouraging the Israelites to bring their sacrifices to Jerusalem to celebrate there. What links these passages? Joy, yes, but what specifically?

They are about communal celebration. Come with your entire family, servants too. Not only that, but those who have no one—the widow, the orphan, the stranger, all are invited to share in the feast. It’s a huge party. Then and only then can you experience simcha. 

As the late Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks taught, “Simcha is not an emotion or a state of mind. It is a shared happiness. There is no such thing as feeling simcha alone.” In Ancient Israel, for there to be simcha, no one could be left out. The great secret of joy is that simcha is always found together. The greater the community, the bigger the party, the greater the simcha. 

But as Americans, what are we programmed to do? It’s right there in the Declaration of Independence, “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Not the pursuit of joy but happiness. We have been told to chase after this elusive state since the very founding of our nation. To quote Don Draper—what? I like Mad Men—anyway, to quote, “What is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness.” Cynical, but often true.

This search for happiness has put us on what some have called a “hedonic treadmill.” Eat, drink, and be merry. Shop til you drop. Sleep. Click. Repeat. Always get the dopamine hit, the serotonin rush.  But we become numb to it over time. More retail therapy because it felt good, right? Or another bowl of ice cream. Sure, the first was delicious, the second less so. The third, and now you don’t feel so good, do you? Where is the joy in that?

Scientists have barely scratched the surface of joy—their studies focus more on happiness. Even so, they’ve found that joy is a distinct positive emotion. And get this—joy seems intimately connected with gratitude. One begets the other, gratitude brings joy brings gratitude brings joy…think of it as a joy spiral, ever rising and expanding. This is the opposite of the pleasure treadmill—too much ice cream leaving us with a brain freeze hangover, retail therapy leaving us in debt.

Rabbi Sacks used this lesson from Lubavitcher chassidim. A man had written to the Rebbe, “I am depressed. I am lonely. I feel that life is meaningless. I try to pray, but the words do not come. I keep mitzvot but find no peace of mind. I need the Rebbe’s help.” The Rebbe sent a brilliant reply without using a single word. He simply circled the first word of every sentence and sent the letter back. The word in each case? It was “I.”

“I” is not the answer. Alone, withdrawn, it can be difficult to see what there is to be grateful for, let alone hard to see your people, your community. We must look outward as well as inward to be whole.

Know this — joy is your birthright. Simcha, joy, is ultimately a way of approaching the world.  It starts with connection and gratitude.  It’s no coincidence that Simcha shares the same letters as Machashava — thoughts. Joy is within reach when we stop looking for elusive happiness and think of what bounty we have already —and particularly when we share that bounty and joy with one another. 

A man once came to R. DovBer, the Maggid of Mezritch, with a question.

“The Talmud tells us ‘a person should bless G‑d for the bad as he blesses Him for the good.’ How is this possible? Had our Sages said that one must accept without complaint or bitterness whatever is ordained, I could understand. I could accept that everything is ultimately for the good, and we are to bless and thank G‑d also for that which seems negative.

“But how can one possibly react to what he experiences as bad in exactly the same way as to what he experiences as good? How can a person be as grateful for troubles as joys?”

R. DovBer replied: “To find an answer, you must visit my disciple, R. Zusha of Anipoli. Only he can help you.”

R. Zusha was grateful for the visitor, took him in with open arms, “make yourself at home, my friend.”

As he observed R. Zusha, he couldn’t think of anyone who suffered more hardship—he was but a pauper with never enough to eat, his family beset with afflictions and illnesses. Yet R. Zusha was always good-humored and cheerful, constantly expressing gratitude to the Almighty for all His kindnesses.

The visitor finally asked his question. In short, how?

“You raise a good point,” said R. Zusha. “But why did our Rebbe send you to me? How would I know? He should have sent you to someone who has experienced suffering.”

Our lives can be hard, and it often feels like we are walking in darkness, alone. I do not propose that your suffering and troubles must be swept under the rug—or that joy is easy to find. 

Nor should we berate ourselves for negative thoughts, guilt, and shame. The real world is difficult. Anxiety and stress are natural reactions. But the story about R. Zusha teaches that lamrot hakol — despite everything, joy is still possible. 

It is possible for each of us—but only together.

Toward the conclusion of the movie—spoiler alert, though if you know the story of the Velveteen Rabbit, you may see this coming—Barbie has a choice. She can stay in Barbieland where everything is easy, where she is an idea of anything and everything a woman could be…or she can become human and join the real world, difficult and messy, full of hard choices but authentically lived. This is her first—and hardest—choice.

Her creator—in this case, literally Ruth Handler—did you know her creator was a Jewish woman? True story. In this moment, Ruth doesn’t tell her what to do, she says, “Humans only have one ending, ideas live forever.” 

We all live, we all die, but our community—our blessings, joys, and gratitudes—our ideas live forever. This idea of simcha, of joy, is eternal. It is at heart a very Jewish idea.

We will arrive in Jerusalem eventually. Simcha will lift us up and carry us wherever we choose, wherever we let it, wherever we come together. And so, here together, I wish you peace…and joy.